I woke up into the darkness, with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude: for the universe, for Réka and the opportunity to be here – as well as for the fast itself. I sat down to meditate, with the expanse of gratitude laid out as a back-drop to everything in my mind. It felt and continues to feel like an inner smile expanding from all directions in and around my heart. Everywhere, almost as if my body were breathing the mantra: ‘thank you, thank you, thank you…’
I’m just so grateful. Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 21
Last night I realised that I’m at the three-quarters point of the fast. But numbers mean nothing. They cut up the truth of unadulterated reality. The truth is, I often can’t even remember which day of the fast I’m on, let alone what day of the week it is.
I’ve had this dull ache in my left quad the whole day. At first, I couldn’t understand it. The feeling was and continues to be similar to what can happen during detox, or in the first couple days of a fast while the body is switching over to ketosis (and drawing from muscle tissue in the meantime). Obviously I’m firmly in ketosis now, but could it be detox? But if so, why is my right leg fine? Surely both should be aching if this were the case. Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 16
Physically, no changes to speak of. I slept more last night – a good five or six hours. Maybe in the end I really have been sleeping too little. One more thought on that. The nights when I caught no more than literally two or three hours tended to follow the days I was working long hours on the computer. It’s true that my mind has been flying with complete and effortless focus, but I wonder whether it’s also started to wind up my energy levels more than otherwise. Compared to our everyday carbohydrate-based metabolism, I’ve always found ketosis to be slower reacting to the body’s changing energy requirements: slower to fire up in the morning and slower to fire down at night. Perhaps it’s possible that the higher daily energy levels demanded by my work were also continuing afterwards, into and even through the night. Anyway, I’m glad there’s no longer a need for any more craziness. Things are calming down again, so that the remaining days will increasingly stretch out without any demands for work, deadlines and the like. Lots of time to be. Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 15
In the same way that they say that the perceptive midpoint of an 80-year lifespan is around 30-35 years, I suppose that today should be more or less the perceptive midpoint of this 21-day fast. I wonder…
I’m heading back to the country and solitude after ‘lunch’. That’s a laugh, isn’t it? We’re so defined by eating that we even divide up the day in terms of mealtimes! I feel a hint of uneasiness in being alone again, of resettling back into a state of undisturbed emptiness. Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 9
So here we are, another milestone in the fast: the end of the first week and, with it, the first third of my planned duration. I feel good, just physically slow in ev-er-y-thing. But this new tempo – precisely because of its more leisurely, deliberate speed, as well as because it’s different to what I’m used to – also evokes an increased consciousness in everything I do.
This morning I’ve noticed a lot of muscles making their presence felt. My shoulders and thighs are very subtly sore – low and behold, completely matching the muscles used to carry the fridge yesterday! Normally, I wouldn’t have felt anything today, but again this proves the point that while fasting it’s extremely important not to overstress your body physically. You can do lasting damage to it, as Gandhi demonstrated. Quite bluntly, muscle damage was done yesterday (no matter how minimally), whereas normally such exertion would have been well within my normal capacity. Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 7
Like yesterday, another slow start this morning with low blood pressure, and I had to be careful not to stand up too quickly after lying or sitting. I feel slow too, like Earth’s gravity has increased somewhat: almost as if I’m wearing an Apollo spacesuit. Mentally I’m totally fine, but for the past couple of days it hasn’t felt good to exert myself physically. Back on Day Three, for instance, I decided to do some leg lifts and a plank – something which has been part of my daily routine for years. After a few minutes of the plank, though, I felt a lot of resistance building up inside myself. I know I could have held out for the usual 7 minutes, but it just wasn’t worth it. To a lesser degree the same applied to the leg lifts. Why? Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 5
Woke up after lots of sleep. Again I needed an extra blanket because by the end of yesterday evening I was feeling cold. I also woke in the middle of the night and felt my kidneys aching, but by morning the sensation had disappeared. Detox and healing have definitely started. As usual, I’m feeling this now on Day Four, which, for me, has always tended to be the hardest day of the fast physically. I know everyone is different in this respect, with most people finding the third day the hardest. But I tend to think that this is due to the fact that most people find kick-starting ketosis the problem. In such cases, the third day is difficult due to low energies and the beginnings of detox. Since I have years of experience in fasting, and since I also dip into ketosis on pretty much of a daily basis (because of long-distance running), it’s less the ketosis which is an issue for me than the way detox hits hardest on Day Four. Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 4
Today has been one of extremes. The morning was again spent in a frenetic whirlwind of doing: tidying up and rearranging the house to make it liveable. I finished mid-afternoon and went outside to sit. Just sit and be. In that moment, it hit me again like a wave: the conflict inside me.
Sitting with the feeling, I don’t think the root of the emotion is in feeling somehow guilty for leaving the family behind. No. That’s just a cover for the truth. No, it’s safer to feel the conflict and be distracted by it, than to be confronted with the raw truth – the raw truth of being. Continue reading 21 day water fast: day 2